Al Dente

Red Robin Nutrition Now Available

I've been waiting years to find out just how nutritionally bad my monthly trips to Red Robin are. I had heard rumors that the burgers were about 1000 calories each. Well, my wait is finally over and the rumors are true.

I'm not sure exactly when they added nutritional info to their website but it has been recent and it's long overdue. "The Customizer" shows you the nutritional values for everything on their menu--even the alcohol. You have to click on the "Build Your Meal & Calculate Your Nutrition" link which activates a Flash pop-up. They've annoyingly removed any direct links.

My usual dinner, consisting of the Whiskey River BBQ Burger, fries, and a couple Blue Moons, clocked in at 1,921 calories. I haven't been to RR in a few months, which may explain my recent weight loss.

"The Customzier" is kinda fun. You can customize your burger any way you want. So let's say I wanted a Royal Red Robin burger with an extra patty, chicken, and some fish. Here's what a 2,148-calorie  "Super Royal" burger looks like.

But what if you want 150 burger patties instead of just the two? Your burger is now almost 50,000 calories. I got tired of clicking after 150 and the burger goes off the screen after about 10 patties. If you happen to max out the system, let me know.

--Spanno

Serious Barbecue with Chef Adam Perry Lang

Check out Chef Adam Perry Lang, author of Serious Barbecue: Smoke, Char, Baste, and Brush Your Way to Great Outdoor Cooking, grilling some steak in Jimmy Kimmel's backyard with Adam Carolla, Joel McHale, and Jimmy Pardo.

Jimmy Kimmel's backyard is amazing. He's got a massive pizza oven, a massive gas grill with infrared burner, a Big Green Egg, and even a kegerator. And everything is built-in. It's what I imagine heaven is like.

See or download the podcast at Adam Carolla.com.

--Spanno

Spoilt Pig Bacon

As far as I can remember, I've never had dry-cured bacon. It has always been smoked. But I'm dying to try this dry-cured "Spoilt Pig" bacon from Denhay Farms in the UK. The pigs live a stereotypical pig-on-a-farm life before they're turned into deliciousness. Each package is signed by Jack Boyle. Yes, THE Jack Boyle. Whoever that is.

 

Photo courtesy of jackatlargs' photostream.

--Spanno

Culinary Books I'll Never Get Paid to Write

It seems like anyone with a half-decent food blog has a six-figure book deal. Heck, you don't even need a real blog. Just look at thisiswhyourefat.com--it's just a series of photos. So why don't I have a blog-to-book deal? I'll tell you why. It's because I don't have a niche. The secret to getting paid for your blogging efforts is to consistently write about a very specific topic. The editor of baconunwrapped.com just released her first book a few months ago. Guess what it's about!

Writing a book takes a lot of time--unless you're James Patterson. It seems like that guy puts out a new book every month. You also have to be really passionate about the subject. I love bacon but I couldn't write 200 pages on it. Nobody invented bacon. And it's not like anyone cares about the history of bacon. I could include a bunch of recipes with bacon, but after a while it'd just be a recipe for something normal and then the last step would be "place bacon strips on top".

For enough money I would write a book about anything. Half a mil could get some desperate publisher a 1,000-page treatise on cauliflower. And I hate the stuff. Unfortunately, the topics I'm interested in would barely make a decent blog, let alone a compelling novel. Here are a few hypothetical books, along with synopses, that I'll probably never get paid to write.

Arby's: They Suck Now
How many times can Arby's mess up their signature sandwich and not give out their signature sauce before customers stop going to Arby's? You'll find out in this biting satire written from the point of view of an Arby's manager who's out to take down the entire company one dry beef 'n cheddar at a time.

Eating Food Isn't a Sport
Is everything competitive really a sport? Not according to this author. He redefines the word so that everyday occurrences--like eating or walking--aren't put into the same category as actual skill-based competitions.

Cilantro: The Devils Food
The Devil, tired of his usual tricks, invents a food that people claim to like, but really it tastes like rotting fruit. Eventually it tears the country apart, leading to the death of millions. One man, armed with a perfect palate and the truth, tries to make everyone see the light before it's too late.

Cake v. Pie
Published by Marvel Comics, this graphic novel pits Cake against Pie in a series of pointless no-holds-barred fights. Beautifully drawn and light on dialog, Cake and Pie play chess, eat pizza, explore a cave, and rent a movie. However, they always get into a fight and trash the place. Spoiler alert...Cake wins.

Hot  Dogs Are Funny
Finally! After what seems like months, Spanno finally put all his hot-dog-based posts into the funniest hot dog coffee table book ever written. The photos might make your lose your appetite, but the captions will make you thirsty from laughing so hard that you cry a lot and become dehydrated. On second thought, you probably shouldn't read this one.

The Audacity of Baconnaise
From the shadows of meat-based bacon-flavored foods, emerges Baconnaise, potential hero to all who love the taste of bacon. But can Baconnaise bridge the widening division between vegetarians and normal people? Or will it appeal to no one?

Ode to the Shamrock Shake
Nobody thought it was possible to write 5,000 poems, songs, limericks, sonnets, ballads, and haiku's about McDonald's Shamrock Shake, let alone 10,000 poems, songs, limericks, sonnets, ballads, and haiku's about the venerable seasonal dessert.

"Sideways" is Stupid, Pinot Noir Isn't That Good, and Napa Valley is Overrated
The author seems to be working out some personal frustrations here. With a title this long, you'd think the book would be longer. In the meager 25 pages he manages to insult his family, his friends, the entire state of California, France, pinot grapes, indie films, the entire cast of Grey's Anatomy, merlot (ironically), and, oddly, Spider-Man 3.

--Spanno

Seattle's Maximus Minimus Truck

The new steel pig truck, Maxiumus Minimus, serves pulled pork sandwiches at the corner of 2nd and Pike in Downtown Seattle. They also have a roasted veggie sandwich that I've heard is good, but there's a 99.9% chance I'll never try it.

Photo from McGil's Photo Archive.

--Spanno

My Go-To Grill Gear

During my years tending to the flame, I've amassed quite a collection of grill tools and accessories. A lot of them just collect dust, but there are some that I can't live without. Here is my go-to gear that I use every time I light up.

Mr. Bar-B-Q Whale of a Brush

This is the biggest grill brush I could find. It's huge and I love it. It cleans my grill much faster than any other grill brush I've used. As an added bonus, the bristles have lasted two years with no sign of wearing out. The handle is plastic, not wood, so it'll never get slimy and moldy.

Weber Style Stainless-Steel Tool Set

I can't praise this set enough. They're dishwasher safe and have rubber-backed handles that provide a secure grip. The spatula has a very thin lip so it gets under the meat easily. The tongs are perfectly angled, sturdy, lockable, and don't have those sharp edges that can puncture steaks. And look at them--they're gorgeous!

Weber Chimney Starter

This is the best chimney starter on the market. It has the perfect amount of ventilation so your fire stays lit and the briquettes get hot fast. I've tried others and they're not even in the same league. You'd be better off cutting holes in an old coffee can. I use my non-Weber chimney starter to hold the newspapers. That's all it's good for.

--Spanno

"Crunch Berries" Aren't Real Berries

Poor Cap'n Crunch. Not only does he have to avoid Somali pirates, he was recently sued over the questionable marketing of his famous crunch berries.Turns out crunch berries aren't real berries. Shocking, I know. A judge for the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California dismissed a lawsuit claiming that the Cap'n deceived the public about the true nature of crunch berries. The judge stated, "So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world."

This whole mess could have been avoided if the Cap'n hadn't removed the "imitation berries" slogan from Crunch Berries boxes. Incidentally, the Cap'n looks more youthful lately--bigger smile and no bags under his eyes. Botox?

 

Read more about the lawsuit at Lowering the Bar.

--Spanno

Birthday Trifle is My New Birthday Cake

In the great pie vs. cake debate, I'm firmly on the cake side. There's no pie in this world that tastes better than a good chocolate cake. And unless you're weird like my father, you don't celebrate your special day with birthday pie. I've had a cake on my birthday every year for as long as I can remember. Until this year.

This year my wife made me a birthday trifle. What I love about the trifle is that it's like a cake, but without all the rules. You just layer in whatever you like, scoop it out, and eat it out of a bowl. You could put in cake whole or broken up. Is the cake too dry? Who cares! The other stuff will moisten it up. You don't have to even have to worry about structural integrity. Your cake could topple or fall apart when you cut it, but as long as your trifle bowl holds everything, you're in super-sweet heaven.

This particular trifle didn't even contain cake. It had layers of Oreos, brownies, chocolate pudding, banana pudding, and Cool Whip. And therein lies the beauty of the trifle--no recipe required. You only need an ingredient list.

 

--Spanno

Bobby Flay Makes a Breakfast Burger

Here's Bobby Flay pimping his amazing new book, Bobby Flay's Burgers, Frys, and Shakes on CBS's The Early Show. Notice how a crowd forms after the burgers are done.

--Spanno

Burger Cookbook Throwdown--Bobby Flay Vs. Burger Bar

The Challenger
Hubert Keller is the host of PBS's Secrets of a Chef and, along with two other non-burger restaurants, is the owner of Burger Bar in Las Vegas, St. Louis, and San Francisco. His new book is called "Burger Bar: Build Your Own Ultimate Burger."

The Champ
Bobby Flay is the host of Food Network's Throwdown with Bobby Flay, an Iron Chef, and owner of various restaurants around the country. He opened his first Bobby's Burger Palace in July 2008 in Smithtown, New York. His new cookbook is called "Bobby Flay's Burgers, Fries, and Shakes."

  

The Ground Rules
Both books have recipes for garnishes, sauces, onion rings, etc., but I decided to focus this throwdown only on the burgers, potato-based fries, and milkshakes. My judging criteria boiled down to "would I make this for a group of friends?" For burgers, I wanted them to be something that everyone was going to like, wouldn't cost me too much money, and wouldn't take too long to make. Afterall, I'm just making burgers--I shouldn't need a Cordon Bleu degree and a loan. The fries needed to be crisp and golden and the shakes, thick and rich.

The Burgers
Both books feature 32 burger recipes. While Keller's Burger Bar has more diversity--including four veggie burgers--Bobby's burgers are more accessible and are relatively easy to make. During my first look through Keller's recipes, I kept thinking about how French some of them seemed. Turns out he's French. Keller's recipes are more complex and include some harder-to-find ingredients. How many of you have easy access to black truffles and brioche a tete?  Also, some of his burgers include pricey ingredients. The "Surf and Turf Burger" calls for lobster tails; another calls for ground New York strip steak and congnac. If I had some lobster tails, New York strip steaks, and Cognac I really doubt I'd use them in a burger. Interestingly, both books have a "Breakfast Burger". Bobby's is logical and delicious--ground beef, bacon, eggs, and shoestring fries. Keller's is, according him, "a quiche without the crust." Enough said. Keller does have some easier burgers like the very tasty "Pesto Beef Burger". But in the end, all of Bobby Flay's burgers met each one of my not-so-lofty requirements.

Advantage: Bobby Flay


The Fries
This was an easy decision. Both had "Perfect Fries" and "Oven Fries" recipes. While the recipes were very similar, Keller's Oven Fries edged out Bobby's. Unfortunately for Keller, he only has those two potato-based fries while Bobby has four others. C'mon Hubert, where's your sweet potato fries?

Advantage: Bobby Flay

The Desserts
Bobby's dessert section focuses entirely on milkshakes. There are 17 mouthwatering recipes. All are fairly easy to make (a common theme across the entire book). I'm a basic chocolate milkshake guy, but I was floored by the Blackberry Cheesecake milkshake. You put cream cheese in it! Yeah, wrap your mind around that for a sec. Burger Bar came up short with only one milkshake recipe. Sure, it's a decadently rich chocolate shake that made me shed a tear of joy, but my guests might need a little more variety. Don't they have malt in France?

Advantage: Bobby Flay


The Winner
Bobby Flay, overwhelmingly. His book is straightforward and appeals more to the average burger lover who wants to take his or her burgers to the next level. This is what Bobby does best--he takes a dish and make a really good version of it. He doesn't try to make a burger into something it's not or make something that's not a burger into a burger. That's why this book is a success in every way. Bobby's book is for people who don't want to spend a lot of  time prepping or buying exotic ingredients and simply want to impress their friends with a darn tasty burger and a killer milkshake.

Keller does have some interesting recipes for those with a more adventurous palate so I encourage everyone to conduct their own throwdown with these books.

--Spanno

Poutine, The Canadian Comfort Food

I've had a lot of great regional comfort foods but Poutine is one that has so far eluded me. Invented in Quebec (Canada's Texas), Poutine consists of fries topped with cheese curd and brown gravy. It's cheap and supposedly delicious--especially with a little bacon on top.

Photo from Art of Backpacking.

--Spanno

Nutella Frosted Cupcakes

This photo almost made me eat my monitor. I love the idea behind the recipe. You frost the cupcake before they're baked, swirling Nutella into the top with a toothpick. Just brilliant. The recipe and more photos can be found at Carmen Cooks.

--Spanno

Coffee Makes Exercise Easier

Researches at the University of Illinois have figured out why caffeine helps you work out harder. According to kinesiology and community health professor Robert Motl, "caffeine works on the adenosine neuromodulatory system in the brain and spinal cord, and this system is heavily involved in nociception and pain processing." Essentially, it blocks some pain reception.

And coffee addicts don't have to worry about any tolerance effect. You may need five cups a day to stay awake, but you'll have the same level of pain-blocking as someone who's drinking their first Red Bull.

Said Motl, “We’ve shown that caffeine reduces pain reliably, consistently during cycling, across different intensities, across different people, different characteristics."

He hypothesizes that if it hurts less, you'll exercise more. But this begs the question, if there's no pain, will there be gain? [Editor's note: Sorry, it was too obvious to avoid.]

Read more about the study here. 

--Spanno

Elvis Presley's Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich

Here's The Sweetest Kitchen's beautiful rendition of Elvis Presley's favorite sandwich--fried peanut butter and banana. The recipe was from Nigella Lawson.

--Spanno

Burger King Taps Sir Mix-a-Lot for a SpongeBob Promo

Sir Mix-a-Lot was probably very busy mixing--he does it a lot--but somehow ($$$) Burger King got him to do a parody of "Baby Got Back" for a SpongeBob Squarepants promotion. While it is extremely funny, I'm not sure it's entirely kid-friendly.

--Spanno

Five Foods That I Wish Were April Fools Jokes

In order to spare you any lame attempt at an April Fools joke, I present to you five foods that I wish were April Fools jokes.

1. Sandwich Cake

 

Sandwich cakes are a sickening mix of cream cheese, mayo, veggies, meat, and bread in the form of a cake. They're perfect for picnics, hikes, trips to the beach, and kid's lunches. Wait, sorry, that's regular sandwiches. Sandwich cakes are perfect for time travelers who enjoy Sunday brunch in the 1950's.

2. Bubble Gum Cocktail Wienies

 

With the ringing endorsement, "Kids love them!", who could resist? Sadly, Archie McPhee totally dropped the ball because they're not hot dog flavored. Bubble gum?! Gross.

3. Scrapple

  

How do you avoid wasting all those wonderful pig parts that are usually inedible? You make scrapple. The super-lame joke is that it has everything except the oink. Plus, it's got "crap" in the name.

4. Baby Mice Wine

 

That's right, it's wine with baby mice at the bottom. It's a drink and an appetizer in one. The South Koreans claim it has health benefits but the only thing it cured was my hunger. And you thought the Mexicans were crazy for putting worms in tequila.

5. Bacon Soda

 

Launched in 2004, Bacon Soda was a huge hit in Vermont where the sugar-loving Canadian groupies would drop in shots of maple syrup. Sadly, it fizzled out everywhere else.

--Spanno

Placenta-Pro--Worst Soft Drink Ever

Placenta-Pro is a Japanese soft drink made from 100% horse placenta. That's right, no pig placenta here. According to their "concepts" page, horse placenta has 300 times more amino acids than pig placenta. Take that, Mountain Dew.

Placenta-Pro comes in two varieties--Orange and Black. The black stuff is more concentrated, "harvested while the afterbirth is still potent." I'm getting light-headed...

What Placenta-Pro claims to do is truly amazing. Here are just a few of its purported benefits:

• Whitens skin (is that a good thing?)
• Cures headaches and canker sores
• Loosens stiff shoulders
• Reduces sensitivity to cold
• Makes you hungry (not me!)

You're supposed to drink one bottle every day--no more, no less. The Orange variety will run you around $50 per bottle. Black is a whopping $300 per bottle--that's almost $110,000 per year!!!

Sadly, Placenta-Pro Black sold out, so you'll have to make do with Orange.

I'm not feeling well.

--Spanno

Five Vintage Hot Dog Horrors

Hot dogs are inherently simple to prepare. Heat them up, put them on a bun, top 'em, and chow down. Not much to it. Unfortunately that wasn't good enough for "culinary experts" in the 50's, 60's, and 70's. During this dark period of cooking, publishers often included the most grotesque recipes and photos in their cookbooks. You can see some great examples on flickr. 

A favorite food to abuse was the lowly hot dog. The people who created the following Frankfurter Frankensteins were completely out of their minds. Nowadays, someone might come up with a similar recipe to be ironic or funny. Back then, it was because of leaded gasoline fumes.

1. Wiener Tiara Bake

 

According to the recipe, this is a "sensational way to serve frankfurters--picket-fencing in a mountain of nippy stuffing." According to me, this is a "sensational way to make me vomit on my keyboard." How the heck are you supposed to eat this thing? (photo courtesy of photobucket)

2. Broiler Bean-er Wiener

 

I can't decide whether or not this is the work of a genius. Don't get me wrong--it's horrific--but I admire the attempt to make a pseudo-sub out of baked beans, hot dogs, and pickles. (photo courtesy of flickr)

3. Frankfurter Spectacular

 

This recipe car definitely helped me lose weight. I haven't been hungry since I saw this picture. (photo courtesy of flickr)

4. Crown Roast of Frankfurters

 

I only wish I could lose weight by eating 15 hot dogs. (photo courtesy of flickr)

5. Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dog Sandwich

 

You might think I'd actually like this sandwich. On the contrary, I have two huge problems with it. One, they didn't wrap the bacon around the hot dogs. This seems like it would be the obvious thing to do. Wrapping the bacon around the sandwich is a novel approach but it makes the sandwich unstable to eat and difficult to cook. And two, it looks like an armadillo. (photo courtesy of flickr)

--Spanno

Last Day for Weber's Way to Grill Giveaway

Today is the last day for our Weber's Way to Grill Giveaway. Enter now for your chance to win one of four signed copies of Weber's Way to Grill by Jamie Purviance.

Just visit our sign-up page and enter your contact info. No purchase necessary. Enter by the end today (March 18, 2009). See official rules for details.

If you're not convinced you need this book, here's some more info:

• My interview with Jamie about the book
• Jamie's Vietnamese Shrimp Pops recipe
• Jamie's Chicken Involtini recipe

--Spanno

Vietnamese Shrimp Pops with Peanut Sauce--from Weber's Way to Grill

Here's another great recipe from Weber's Way to Grill. As far as technique goes, this is fairly easy, but it tastes like you put a lot of effort into it. Don't forget that you have until March 18 for your chance to win a free autographed copy of the cookbook.

Vietnamese Shrimp Pops with Peanut Sauce

Serves: 4 to 6
Prep time: 30 minutes
Chilling time: 30 minutes to 1 hour

WAY TO GRILL: direct high heat (450° to 550°F)
GRILLING TIME: 4 to 6 minutes
SPECIAL EQUIPMENT: bamboo skewers, soaked in water for at least 30 minutes

Ingredients:

Sauce
1 cup unsweetened coconut milk, stirred
1⁄3 cup old-fashioned peanut butter, stirred
1 teaspoon finely grated lime zest
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon hot chili sauce, such as Sriracha
½ teaspoon grated fresh ginger

Shrimp Pops
1 pound ground pork
¾ pound shrimp, peeled and deveined
½ cup coarsely chopped fresh basil
¼ cup panko bread crumbs
2 large garlic cloves
1 tablespoon soy sauce
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

¼ cup vegetable oil

Directions:
1. In a heavy-bottomed saucepan combine the sauce ingredients. Place over medium heat and cook (but do not simmer), whisking constantly, just until the sauce is smooth and slightly thickened, 2 to 3 minutes (the sauce will thicken further as it cools). Remove from the heat.

2. In a food processor or blender, pulse the shrimp pop ingredients and process until a chunky paste is formed. Pour the vegetable oil onto a sheet pan and brush it evenly all over the surface. Using 2 spoons, shape the mixture into small ovals or quenelles, placing them on the oiled sheet pan as you make them. Turn them, making sure they are well coated with oil. Refrigerate for 30 minutes to 1 hour to firm up the texture.

3. Prepare the grill for direct cooking over high heat.

4. Place a quenelle on the end of each skewer. Brush the cooking grates clean. Grill the shrimp pops over direct high heat, with the lid closed as much as possible, until they are opaque throughout, 4 to 6 minutes, turning once or twice (cut one open with a sharp knife to test for doneness). Arrange the shrimp pops on a serving platter. Serve warm with the dipping sauce.

©2009 Weber-Stephen Products Co. Recipe from Weber’s Way to Grill™ by Jamie Purviance. Used with permission.

--Spanno