Al Dente

Al Dente Taste Test: Colas

Colas have come a long way from their humble drug store elixir beginnings. Now at the forefront of the multi-billion dollar beverage industry, colas incite passionate debate over taste, ingredients, marketing, and health.

The Guidelines
This was a blind test with six tasters and six colas. The colas had to contain non-artificial sweeteners (no "diet") and be widely available. We ranked the colas in accordance with the Wine Enthusiast 100-point scale:
<80:  Unacceptable
80 – 83:  Acceptable
83 – 87:  Good
87 – 90:  Very Good
90 – 94:  Excellent
94 – 98:  Superb
98 – 100:  Classic

The Contestants

Brand:  RC Cola
Company:  Cadbury Schweppes
Claims to fame:  great with moon-pies
Sweetener: high-fructose corn syrup
Taste: "tasted flat and sugary, like someone had let it sit out"; "plastic, synthetic aftertaste"
Ranking:  83

Brand:  365 Cola
Company:  Whole Foods
Claims to fame:  all natural; contains kola nut extract
Sweetener: cane sugar
Taste: "was very sweet but not in a fake sugary way"; "actual cola nut taste"; "tasted real"
Ranking:  85

Brand:  Coca-Cola Classic
Company:  Coca-Cola Company
Claims to fame: being "it" and "the real thing"
Sweetener: high-fructose corn syrup
Taste: "bland"; "very familiar taste"; "bubbly and sweet"
Ranking:  87

Brand:  Pepsi
Company:  PepsiCo
Claims to fame:  choice of a new generation; winner of the 70's "Pepsi Challenge"
Sweetener: high-fructose corn syrup
Taste: "too sweet"; "horrible"; "some chemical aftertaste"
Ranking:  81

Brand:  Mexican Coca-Cola
Company:  Coca-Cola Company
Claims to fame: no HFCS; can be found at Costco 
Sweetener: cane sugar
Taste: "surprisingly fruity"; "tastes like real sugar instead of chemical crap"
Ranking:  88

Brand:  Big K Cola
Company:  Kroger Foods
Claims to fame: it's cheap 
Sweetener: high-fructose corn syrup
Taste: "really bland"; "passable"; "not much flavor at all"
Ranking:  84

And the Winner is...
While none of the contestants cracked 90, the overall winner was Mexican Coca-Cola, with Coca-Cola Classic coming in a very close second. Sadly, Mexican Coca-Cola is only available a Costco. We all hope that corn prices will outpace sugar prices so that more "real sugar" sodas will come to market. I'm looking at you Dr. Pepper--quit hiding the good stuff in Texas. 

--Spanno

Get Readia for Stevia

What's 100 times sweeter than sugar, has no affect on blood sugar, no calories, is completely natural, and doesn't taste like chemicals? It's called stevia, and you're going to see a lot of it soon.

Stevia is plant in the sunflower family that is native to Central and South America. It's been used by local tribes for centuries. While other countries currently use stevia-derived sweeteners, it was only recently approved for consumption as a sweetener in the U.S.

Here are some stevia-derived products coming to a supermarket near you:

SweetLeaf Sweetener:  It has been on the market for a couple years as a "dietary supplement". The company claims it's the first stevia-derived product approved by the FDA as a sweetener. Look for the dark-green packets very soon.

Zevia:  Currently available in a few U.S. stores and online at http://www.zevia.com.

Truvia: A collaboration between Cargill and Coca-Cola. They plan to have packet sweeteners on the market by the end of the year. A Truvia-sweetened "diet" Coke can't be far behind.

--Spanno 

Dangerous Detox Diets Debunked

Let's say you need to drop 10 pounds. How do you do it? If you had a couple months you could eat less, workout more--creating a calorie deficit--and lose a couple pounds per week. This method is sustainable and healthy. If you wanted to do it quickly you could use sanitized tape worms, cut off an arm, or start a trendy "detox" diet.

MSN Health & Fitness has a great article about three trendy diets: The Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet, The Master Cleanse, and Skinny Bitch.

In a nutshell, The Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet and The Master Cleanse are both crap, despite what some celebrity with a nutritionist and a personal trainer says. Essentially you starve yourself, which slows down your metabolism and burns muscle instead of fat. And the whole "detox" thing is completely bogus.

The only somewhat reputable diet is Skinny Bitch, which is merely a vegan diet lacking in nutritional balance. It was written by a model who refers to readers as "fat pigs", so don't be surprised if you go on the diet and only lose self-esteem.

--Spanno

Starbucks Called 'Slutbucks' Over Retro Logo

Mark "Clay" Dice, founder of the San Diegan Christian group "The Resistance", hates Starbucks' retro logo and has called for a boycott. And it totally would have worked had he not called for it after Starbucks' same-store sales went south.

According to Mr. Dice, the new image "has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute. Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves Slutbucks."

Two thoughts:
1. Mark seems to know a lot about prostitute procedures.
2. "Slutbucks"? Seriously? That's not very creative. "Seattle's Breast" works much better.

--Spanno

Cop Assaulted by M&Ms--Clean-Hand Defense Fails

A college student attempted to bring down Johnny Law by pelting him with M&Ms. This drunk daring revolutionary's voice was quickly silenced.

"Sean McGuire was arrested early Sunday at a convenience store after Drake University security guards noticed the colored candies falling on the ground around the officer. When the officer turned around, an M&M hit his shoulder, according to a police report."

I prefer to assail The Man and his jack-booted thugs with Skittles. The rainbow metaphor is easier to get across (I'm protesting the military-industrial complex on behalf of all races and nationalities) and they taste like crap. I wouldn't want to waste M&Ms like that.

--Spanno

Slate Calls BS on PETA's Meat Prize

Just days after People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PITA) announced a $1 million dollar prize for a commercially viable in vitro meat, Slate has called it "bogus" and a "publicity stunt". You can read the article here.

The problem, according to Slate, is that in order to cash in on the prize money, "they need to move 2,000 pounds of the stuff at supermarkets and chain restaurants spread out across 10 states during a period of three months. And the Franken-meat can't cost more than regular chicken."

A company would have to make a significant and successful investment in order to get paid. That's like your parents bribing you to get a decent job, but only paying you after you've had the job for three months.

To top it off, the test tube meat would need to be approved by the FDA in record time in order to meet the prize deadline of June 30, 2012. To put that time-frame into perspective, sucralose (Splenda) was discovered in 1976 and approved by the FDA in 1998.

I wouldn't expect to see animal-free meat anytime soon. Scientists have been working on lab-grown meat since the early 20th century. You can read more about this in Popular Science. They have a great article about test tube meat--from 1936.

--Spanno

Germany's 's Baggers Restaurant

Yesterday, the BBC covered a new restaurant 's Baggers in Nuremberg, Germany. The high-tech restaurant features computer monitors where you place your order, and when your meal is ready it's put on rails and sent down to you lidded and stickered to signify your specific order. There isn't anyone at the counter to greet you or take your order--the restaurant is completely wait-staff-free (aside from the cooks). This all sounds fun, right? But, what would the effects of something like this be on society?

If successful in Nuremberg and internationally scalable, we'd probably see a downturn in the number of restaurant-sector jobs worldwide. Would this downturn be significant? Possibly. But, would a downturn enable/encourage restaurant employees to move on to more exciting job opportunities. Probably.

I'm definitely not a Luddite nor a social anthropologist, but what could the effects be on a culture's social interactions? Hmm. This could get interesting!

--Sous-Chef on the Run

Hot Coffee and Doughnuts in the Nude? Seems Dangerous to Me

As most who keep up-to-date with food news know, Dunkin Doughnuts has been working over the last few years at expanding its customer base beyond those just looking for scrumptious fried dough treats, specifically targeting those who head to a café for more than regular coffee. However, I’m not sure they are aiming for the small segment of folks who like to drink their coffee and toss back those doughnuts au natural. Which is what a Marlborough man recently found out, according to this article. Okay, maybe he was taking it a bit farther than looking to have his breakfast while leaving his clothes behind, but I’m guessing there is a contingent of folks out there who are nude eaters-and-drinkers. I’m not opposed, either, if they’re not interfering with my dining. But (and this is what seems wrong to me) if you are a fan of the naked meals, wouldn’t you avoid the hot coffee? Isn’t that a painful scorching waiting to happen? If any readers out there partake in clothing-less meals on a regular basis, let us know if you avoid those hotter dishes, or if you’re just extra careful when sipping or eating them?

--A.J. Rathbun

Curtailing the Barbershop Beer

I can admit it--I used to have a scraggly ponytail kind-of-a-thing going. A really unattractive hairdo (though I feel I’m slagging the word “hairdo” by associating it with what I had at the time) which I wore mostly because I was working at a bar more than going to school, this was during undergrad days, and thought that an extra 5 minutes of sleep was more important than stopping off to get a haircut. I also had a Castro-esque beard for the same reason, but the hair, and that nasty, wanna-be-English-major ponytail, are center stage here. My manager at the bar hated it (it scared customers, too), and told me he’d pay be $10 to go across the street to our neighborhood barber and get a haircut. Finally, to get him off my back as much as to fancy up, I did go over after an afternoon shift to Roy’s Barbershop, which was a traditional one-seat shop, a place where older and younger folks would hang out and talk before getting their hair cut, maybe read a magazine or two, tell jokes, and generally form a community. Of course Roy (who I’d poured a drink for many times) was excited to rid me of the offending hair, and of course my manager followed me over to make sure the pony tail actually went by the wayside. Between us, I hadn’t been to get a haircut in a while, and having someone there watching over the cutting made me a little nervous. But Roy, following the lineage of many great barbers, handed me a Miller High Life when I sat down, handed one to my manager, started off with a “man walks into a bar” joke, and brought the room together. Walking out, I not only looked better, but felt better. I also realized when looking in the mirror that my hair had been an affront to nature, and I’ve had short hair since. Then, today, I read an article on Mlive.com that the attorney general of Michigan recently wrote a five-page ruling to stop Jude’s Barbershop in Grand Rapids from giving a beer to of age customers. I’m sure somewhere the owner of Supercuts is chuckling, but me, it just made me sad. First, doesn’t the attorney general of Michigan have better things to spend his time on? And second, why is it that a PG movie can teach kids 20 ways of bloodletting, but a barbershop can’t hand out a beer? What’s next? Is someone going to bust a doctor for handing out lollipops?

--A.J. Rathbun

Top Five Food-Related Threats, March Edition

Here are the top five food-related threats facing the world this month.

#5. Downer Cow Peddler, Steve Mendell
On May 12, 2008, Steve "Mad Cow" Mendell, president of Westland/Hallmark Meat Co.,  was hauled in front of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce's Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations, better known as HCOEACSOOAI, to answer toothless questions regarding a video that showed "downer" cows being forced to enter slaughter chutes. As everyone knows, only the healthy ones go quietly. The video led to a recall of all beef produced in that Chino, CA facility--143 million pounds--since February 1, 2006. Roughly 100% of that beef had already been consumed, most of it by kids, but it's the thought that counts, right?

#4. Food Network Siren, Paula Deen
Paula hates your heart and is trying to stop it. After numerous cardiac assaults with fried butter balls, bacon-wrapped fried mac 'n cheese, and Velvetta and butter fudge, she dropped her MOAB (Mother of all Burgers) this month: the bacon, egg, and cheese burger on two donuts. It solidified her as an evil genius bent on keeping our mouths watering and hearts fibrillating.

#3. Starbucks' Shift Supervisors
Over the past eight years, these evil "agents" of Starbucks stole $100 million from Starbucks' California baristas. The coffee proletariat revolted against their bourgeoisie masters and a San Diegan judge ordered the capitalist pigs company to pay over $100 million in back tips to the baristas. Despite performing the same duties as baristas and pulling down a whopping $1.50/hour extra, Starbucks' shift supervisors, according to California labor laws, are "agents" of Starbucks, and cannot be given money from the tip jar.

#2. Chip Pimp, Steven Colbert
Last week on the Colbert Report, Colbert announced that the show's Pennsylvania presidential primary coverage would be sponsored by his long-time political sponsor, Doritos. Doritos is owned by Commie-loving PepsiCo.--the first American cola in Russia. Pepski just finalized a $1.4 billion deal to buy Russian juice maker JSC Lebedyansky, solidifying their stake in Russia's soft drink market. American democracy is sponsored by various multi-national corporations, which sharply contrasts Russia's Gazprom-sponsored democracy. So until Colbert gains two or three more sponsors, every time he sinks his teeth into those Sweet Spicy Chili chips, democracy dies a little.

#1. Pop-Tarts
A study released this month stated that breakfast is extremely important for kids who don't want to be fat. A pediatrician interviewed for an article on the study specifically called out Pop-Tarts as not being breakfast worthy, despite their essential vitamins and minerals. Two conclusions can be reached from this: Pop-Tarts will make you fat--which is the same as not eating breakfast--or eating Pop-Tarts is worse than not eating breakfast. I guess it really doesn't matter--according to Pillsbury, every kid's school locker is filled with uneaten Pop-Tarts and the kids just end up eating their friend's Toaster Strudel.

--Spanno

Don’t Chew That Gum--Turn It Into Art

Or, chew it while you’re admiring Maurizio Savini’s gum art—a lot of which can be seen at the blog Bibi’s Box. I recently came across his work when browsing the Candy Addict blog, and am completely blown away by it. He uses fiberglass to shape a sculpture, then covers it and details it with unchewed pink gum. The results are very realistic while being slightly disturbing (changing the malleable and mouth-centric gum into a completely different and static recognizable form). As a gum lover and an art lover, I’m both attracted and a bit freaked out by Savini’s pieces, and I haven’t been able to stop looking at them all week. Are there any other artists using food in as interesting a way? I can’t think of any off the top of head, but if you know of any, please post about them here.

--A.J. Rathbun

Did Robert Irvine Beef Up His Past?

Fans of Dinner: Impossible might feel duped lately amidst allegations that British Chef Robert Irvine made up stories about his past. The Dallas Morning News nicely outlines what facts we do and don't have about the chef. Food Network--host of Irvine's show--is refraining from commenting and investigating the allegations.

It seems ironic now that Irvine had such high hopes--knighthood, royal chef, castles, etc. If the alleged resume doctoring is true, Irvine just might end back at square one.

--Sous-Chef on the Run

Re: Reader Question: Store-Bought Parmesan Cheese

Back in December, Mr. Carlucci of Pittsburgh sent us an e-mail about the evolving taste of Kraft brand Parmesan cheese. With a few serious cheese-loving, Italy-traveling, Parmesan-devouring writers in our group, we were determined to set the record straight about Parmesan cheese with
a cheese taste test.

First of all, let me say that there are many brands of imitation Parmesan cheese. According to Wikipedia, "Parmesan is also loosely used as a common term for cheeses imitating true Parmesan cheese, especially outside Europe; within Europe, the Parmesan name is classified as a protected designation of origin." The same holds true for products such as Chianti, Champagne, etc., where the product takes its name from the region where it is produced or grown. In fact, France takes this pretty seriously when it comes to Champagne.

We don't have any factual evidence proving that the brands we tested were imitation. However, we do know that the winner of our taste test was certainly the real thing. (Way to go Costco!) Without further ado, here are our Parmesan cheese tasting notes (numbers represent cheeses in photo):

1.    Stella Freshly Shredded: $3.29 for 5 ounces (available at local supermarket, regional brand cheese)
We found this cheese to be average. The texture was a little plastic-y, the taste was slightly bitter and sour, and the flavor was flat.
Overall ranking: 3

2.    Kroger Finely Shredded: $3.89 for 6 ounces (available at local supermarket, supermarket brand cheese)
This cheese was above average. The texture was similar to the Stella, but the taste was reportedly saltier and the flavor a little richer. Overall ranking: 2

3.    Kraft Italian Natural: $5.59 for 6 ounces (available at local supermarket, international brand of grocery products) 
We found this cheese to be below average. The texture was reportedly hard and rubbery. The taste seemed artificial and the flavor was really lacking. Side note: 5 of 7 reviewers specifically noted "bad chewability." Overall ranking: 4

4.    Safeway Grated: $2.99 for 3 ounces (available at local supermarket, supermarket brand cheese)
This cheese was way below average. The texture was powdery, the taste was noted as "sawdusty", and the flavor was, well, salty and bitter. One reviewer wouldn’t feed this to his cheese-loving dog. Overall ranking: 5

5.    Kirkland Signature: $10.99 for 16 ounces (available at Costco, Costco-brand cheese)
This was the best cheese! The texture was pleasantly crumbly, the taste featured fruity notes, and the flavor was tangy with a balance of citrus. This was the cheese that one tester would "keep around for a weekend glass of wine and the latest Netflix flair". Overall ranking: 1

Lastly, I wrote to Kraft from their website with Mr. Carlucci's question. I received a phone call last week from a Kraft representative who left a voicemail stating, "Kraft has not changed the recipe for their Parmesan cheese in years." He also mentioned that customer tastes have evolved, which may be the reason why our very own Mr. Carlucci was noticing a difference.

In summary, dear readers, we'd love to know your thoughts on Parmesan cheese. And, Mr. Carlucci, if you've had a chance to shop around, have you discovered a new favorite brand?

--Sous-Chef on the Run

PS. America's Test Kitchen did a Parmesan cheese taste test. For more information, check out their taste test on YouTube.

Cheeseburger In a Can--Courtesy of Zee Germans

If a worldwide apocalypse had forced us to live in underground bunkers just a few months ago, our diet would have consisted of dehydrated foods, canned beans, and vegans. Now, thanks to zee Germans, you can add cheeseburgers to that menu.

And not just any cheeseburger--canned cheeseburger. The web detectives over at Spuch dug up this gem.

I guess if survival came down to a choice between cannibalism and canned cheeseburger, I'd definitely think twice about eating someone.

--Spanno

Basic Survival Isn't Vegan

Vegetarians in Paradise, a website devoted to all things veggie, recently posted a basic survival guide for anything from flooding to the inevitable return of Xenu. One of the major issues for veggies is getting protein. According to ViP, "You may be able to get vegan food in a disaster, but you can count on NOT getting vegan protein. For that reason your survival kit should focus on protein sources."

BoingBoing, a directory of wonderful things, posted this a few days ago and received a plethora of feedback, including gems like, "there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no vegans in tsunamis" and "I'll be eating the vegetarians to get my protein source."

So, vegetarians/vegans, would you eat meat as a last resort?

--Spanno

Reader Question: Store-Bought Parmesan Cheese

Last week, we received a question from Mr. Jean-Paul Carlucci in Pittsburgh regarding the evolving taste of Kraft brand Parmesan cheese. Mr.Carlucci asked if we had noticed anything different about the Kraft brand of Parmesan lately, indicating that the flavor seems to be lacking. Mr. Carlucci also asked for recommendations for price comparable Parmesan cheese favorites of ours that would be available in the Pittsburgh area.

Mr. Carlucci, we appreciate your question and take this matter seriously. We will soon conduct an Al Dente Parmesan cheese taste/price test and let you know the results of our findings. Stay tuned for that post in the New Year. (Readers, have you noticed anything different about the taste of Kraft Parmesan cheese? If so, let us know!)

--Sous-Chef-on-the-Run

PS. In the meantime, one of our favorite sites, Epicurious has an insightful dictionary definition of Parmesan cheese. I have a hunch, this will help us in our quest. 

Scandal in Candyland

First, they try to change the composition of chocolate by petitioning the FDA to allow cocoa butter to be replaced by cheaper fats.  Now there are allegations of chocolate price fixing in Canada that may expand to other types of candy.  What in the world is happening to chocolate and what does this mean for chocolate's biggest season?
-flauersmartini

Your Friendly Neighborhood Factory Farm

It's hard to know where your food comes from these days. We have such a breadth of selection at American grocery stores. You're almost certain to find some fruit from Chile next to your Idaho potatoes. But have you recently thought about the fact that the Iowa pork chops you just bought are probably sitting next to a nice juicy Iowa steak, both from factory farms? Well, perhaps the citizens of Des Moines, IA, and surrounding communities are aware. No amount of air freshener, incense, or scented candles will cover up the "eau-de-hog" stench produced by hog factory farms in their county, or their downtown rendering plant.

There are many reasons to avoid factory farmed beef, dairy, and poultry.  I'm not going to go into them here, but Food & Water Watch does a fine job if you're interested.  They recently launched a fantastic interactive map so you can see how your state looks in the factory farm landscape.

Food Miles Are Misleading

I fully support eating local foods--fresh is definitely better--but I've never really bought into the concept of food miles. I understand the concern, but there's no way I'm going to give up bananas or anything with cane sugar just because it can't be grown in the Seattle area. Plus, I don't think my wife wants to move to Haiti or Panama.

James E. McWilliams, author of  A Revolution In Eating: How the Quest for Food Shaped America, has a great op-ed in today's New York Times about how food miles are (mis)calculated. His conclusions may be a little too rational for carbon footprint obsessors. "It is impossible for most of the world to feed itself a diverse and healthy diet through exclusively local food production — food will always have to travel; asking people to move to more fertile regions is sensible but alienating and unrealistic; consumers living in developed nations will, for better or worse, always demand choices beyond what the season has to offer."

We should try to make food production more sustainable and environmentally friendly, but not eating and/or taxing food just because it came from afar is a little unreasonable for my tastes.