As reported recently on the 9 News site, “More than $10,000 worth of cucumbers have been stolen in 11 separate robberies in the past three months” in Adelaide, Australia. This is an outrage. Think of the deprivation occurring: no Chicago style hot dogs? No cucumber relish? No pickles down the road a bit? What kind of wicked criminal could devise such a dastardly vegetable demise? And will this mastermind hold those cukes hostage? Police are stymied, because, as Chief Kym Zander said, “The issue with the cucumber is, how do you and I tell who owns a different cucumber?” I call on any cucumber thieves reading this: turn yourselves in today.
But seriously, what could one do with $10,000 worth of cucumbers? Start a cucumber sandwich takeout business? I love cucumber salad, but don’t think I could eat it for months on end. Or am I missing something entirely that cucumbers are good for, some dish or invention that makes a giant cucumber heist worth it? Let me know, cucumber fanatics, and I promise not to turn you in to the cops.
--A.J. Rathbun
Joe Kenedy on August 14, 2009 at 06:08 AM
My guess is those guys are in a real pickle
EDN on August 14, 2009 at 06:41 AM
Come on over to my house. I have a truckload daily. More than my lovely patient neighbors could possible eat or pickle.
PTL on August 14, 2009 at 07:02 AM
Must be a campaign to remove all phallic symbols from public view.
willis on August 14, 2009 at 08:18 AM
I wouldn't mess with this guy. Sounds like one cool customer.
Filthy Stinking No.9 on August 14, 2009 at 10:43 AM
You asked for the identity of the Cucumber Bandit ... and now I provide the answer. It's Kid Fozzie. See here (or if my attempt to post the link didn't work, just go to insidetheasylum.blogsome.com)