Five Foods That I Wish Were April Fools Jokes
In order to spare you any lame attempt at an April Fools joke, I present to you five foods that I wish were April Fools jokes.
1. Sandwich Cake
Sandwich cakes are a sickening mix of cream cheese, mayo, veggies, meat, and bread in the form of a cake. They're perfect for picnics, hikes, trips to the beach, and kid's lunches. Wait, sorry, that's regular sandwiches. Sandwich cakes are perfect for time travelers who enjoy Sunday brunch in the 1950's.
2. Bubble Gum Cocktail Wienies
With the ringing endorsement, "Kids love them!", who could resist? Sadly, Archie McPhee totally dropped the ball because they're not hot dog flavored. Bubble gum?! Gross.
3. Scrapple
How do you avoid wasting all those wonderful pig parts that are usually inedible? You make scrapple. The super-lame joke is that it has everything except the oink. Plus, it's got "crap" in the name.
4. Baby Mice Wine
That's right, it's wine with baby mice at the bottom. It's a drink and an appetizer in one. The South Koreans claim it has health benefits but the only thing it cured was my hunger. And you thought the Mexicans were crazy for putting worms in tequila.
5. Bacon Soda
Launched in 2004, Bacon Soda was a huge hit in Vermont where the sugar-loving Canadian groupies would drop in shots of maple syrup. Sadly, it fizzled out everywhere else.
--Spanno
Juli on April 01, 2009 at 01:25 PM
Oh no,scrapple is really really good! Fry it with some syrup, mmmmmm yep yummy stuff. Now granted I only ate it when my grandma made it and that was a few decades ago so I have no idea what was in it but it tasted good. Not pig offal, please? Say it was just you know,normal pig parts?
Helen on April 01, 2009 at 02:08 PM
Bacon soda actually sounds kind of nice...
That mice wine on the other hand, yuck!
Bowl of Plenty on April 01, 2009 at 03:03 PM
Didn't Bob and Doug McKenzie hatch some sort of scheme with putting rats in beer bottles? They'd have a field day with mice wine.
CakeSpy on April 02, 2009 at 10:21 AM
I was similarly horrified / fascinated by the cake...and now, by these others!
Dougger on April 02, 2009 at 04:26 PM
Like Juli, i was served scrapple by my grandma as a youngster back in Indiana over 35 years ago. I did have the benefit of helping make it though, and there was nothing particularly scary in it. The parts that go into scrapple are only inedible in the sense that they are hard to access in their natural state. It is still mostly meat from the bones and skull, tongue, liver and heart with broth from boiling the bones thickened with cornmeal. It is not gross to me, it is just food and pretty tasty at that. I would eat it to this day if it was available at my local grocery.
Kevin R on April 02, 2009 at 04:30 PM
While mezcal occasionally has a worm in it, there are never worms in tequila.
Jay on April 02, 2009 at 04:31 PM
Scrapple is a staple her in Central Pa Amish country. Almost every non-chain restaurant has it on it's breakfast menu. Sliced thin, pan fried to a crisp crust, maple syurp..Ummm Ummm UMMM
Some people just don't know what good is.
BlogDog on April 02, 2009 at 04:31 PM
Mice wine.
Don't you think there was a typo in a cook book somewhere and instead of making rice wine, this was the result?
Mx on April 02, 2009 at 04:37 PM
I had a not nearly so over the top version of the sandwich cake at a family event. It was pretty good, in a mid 70's in-laws baby shower kind of way. No pink icing, decent chicken salad, ham salad. Whattyawant?
Lb Philly on April 02, 2009 at 04:42 PM
Mmmmph.
My kid recently visited Philadelphia and left proudly wearing an "Eat More Scrapple" T-shirt from the Down Home Diner. Scrapple is great stuff -- polenta with attitude.
lockestep on April 02, 2009 at 04:49 PM
Scrapple is the haggis of the Mid-Atlantic. I've had both. I've even had a Haggis Burger in Speyside, but I prefer a scrapple, cheese and egg from the Buck.
Scrapple certainly should not be on this list.
Robbins Mitchell on April 02, 2009 at 04:58 PM
When I was in the import-export business some years ago,we got and inquiry from a Chinese foodstuffs importer in Honk Kong asking if we could provide them with 50 kilos of frozen dog penises to make 'precious 3 penis soup'...I don't think I ate lunch that day.
calco on April 02, 2009 at 04:58 PM
A food blogger who's weirded out by scrapple? Good grief.
John on April 02, 2009 at 05:04 PM
Yes indeed... some philistine got his hands on this blog and mischievously included scrapple. The alternative--a food blogger who can't comprehend scrapple!?--is impossible to believe.
Jim on April 02, 2009 at 05:21 PM
Though not a packaged food product, the Filipino delicacy called balut is truly an April Fool's Joke of cuisine.
Brett Bellmore on April 02, 2009 at 05:49 PM
Add me to the chorus: Who gets weirded out by scrapple? Balut, I agree, my filipina wife made me eat some once, never again, I prefer my eggs unfertilized and fresh.
crosspatch on April 02, 2009 at 05:53 PM
Scrapple is delicious *IF* you can find the right brand. I am particular to Rappa brand as that is closest to the way my grandad made it.
Basically all scrapple is, is the bones that still have meat on them after butchering, scraps trimmed from other cuts (chops, roasts, etc) and the scraps of skin and fat. You cook it down with corn meal. The meat cooks off the bones. You then draw off the lard (fat) for use as shortening. The bits of skin are "cracklins" (from the sound they make sizzling in the hot lard) or better known as "pork rinds" these days.
Once the cracklins and lard are removed and everything has cooked, a valve at the bottom of the vat is opened and the scrapple is poured into pans almost like bread pans. It is then allowed to cool and it sets up into basically a cake. The way we ate it was to slice it thin and fry until crisp. Some like theirs thicker and a little soft in the middle. You eat it with either catchup or maple syrup.
There is nothing bad in it, it is simply a use for the meat that is left on the bones or left after trimming other cuts. All the extra fat and meat gets tossed in and the fat saved off once it melts and rises to the surface. In fact, it is mostly corn meal.
Buffalo Soldier on April 02, 2009 at 05:53 PM
Scrapple is wonderful stuff, and I've never had the homemade versions some of your other commenters describe. A little Twilight Zone mom & pop grocer called Reed's Fine Foods (notice the name: they only sold FINE foods) in Sequoyah Hills used to sell it canned. One of the saddest things about that place going out of biz is the loss of the scrapple connection. It's almost as delicious as bacon fried in a castiron skillet over a fire after a day of hiking. Oh, delight. I could go on and on, but I'll stop.
Second the motion on the balut. Utterly revolting, that.
crosspatch on April 02, 2009 at 05:59 PM
Oh, and that slice of scrapple on the plate in the picture is WAY too thick. It would be better to slice that one into two or three thinner slices. Notice the gray around the edges ... it isn't "done". It should be at least golden brown except possibly in the very center if you like it "thick" but in my experience "thick" is about half the thickness of that piece on the photograph. I probably wouldn't like it served that way either.
AughtSix on April 02, 2009 at 06:38 PM
Add me to the list of scrapple fans. I didn't grow up eating it, but discovered it rather recently and have been making up for lost time.
Finbar on April 02, 2009 at 07:38 PM
Right! Stay away from the scrapple! More for me. Yum.
Bill M on April 02, 2009 at 07:39 PM
Yummmmm, scrapple. Many fond memories of breakfasts on the North Carolina Outer Banks featuring Habersets Scrapple. My aunt always asked dad if he had brought the scrapple.
Now mice wine...not so much.
Finbar on April 02, 2009 at 07:45 PM
C'mon Bill M. It's Habbersett scrapple!
Achillea on April 02, 2009 at 08:55 PM
I'll take the scrapple over Kitty Litter Cake any day.
rightwingprof on April 03, 2009 at 06:17 AM
Actually, there are worms in mezcal, not tequila.