Grocery Store Oversights
I'm an avid grocery store shopper. I actually like grocery shopping. I'm usually at my local haunt two or three times per week. Occasionally I'll cheat on my store and make a quick jaunt to another. During my dalliances I'll notice certain common items that my store is missing. Usually it's so basic that I stare at the item and think, "How does my store decide that it shouldn't carry this?" And my store isn't one of those small, big city grocery stores. It's a normal suburban grocery store.
Revel in my frustration with the following products unavailable at my very large grocery store.
Bottled Miller High Life
If I want 18 or 30 cans of the stuff, I'm set. But for an unknown reason I can't get anything less than 18. And God forbid I want to drink the sparkling wine of beers out of a bottle--because they don't carry bottles of it. If I was a 17-year-old senior in high school and my friend's parents were out of town, showing up with a frosty pack would make me the king of the party. But I'm in my 30's! Do they really expect me to maintain my lofty social status with huge boxes of cans? "Oh, Spanno, you big spender, 18 cans o' High Life. Uh...you shouldn't have." If I'm going to show up at a gathering with cheap beer, the least I can do is bring bottles.
Italian Rolls
I can get French rolls, dinner rolls, sourdough rolls, big rolls, small rolls, whatever rolls--but not Italian rolls. What does my grocery store have against Italian rolls? Too crusty? Too delicious? They have all the other European rolls--just not the one I need for Italian beef. If it was called European beef, then I could use their fresh-baked Bavarian rolls but it's called ITALIAN beef for a reason.
Claussen Kosher Dill Pickle Slices
It's mind-boggling how many brands and versions of pickles my grocery store has and yet doesn't have the one I want. They have Claussen pickles. They even have sliced Claussen pickles. But they don't have the kosher flavored ones. They have "bread & butter"--which tastes like they left out all flavoring except sugar. Technically I could buy Vlasic kosher dill slices, but there's no way I can overlook that disturbingly yellow color, utter lack of crispness, and strange flavor. They're like something you assumed people ate in Communist Russia.
Beef Ribs
My store has an extensive selection of fresh and freshly packaged meats. They even have buffalo. But they don't stock beef ribs. Maybe they hate Texans. Maybe the National Pork Producers Council pays them not to carry it. Whatever the reason, I demand a thorough investigation. How am I supposed to make braised short ribs? How do I get my home-ground burgers perfect without them? Instead of just asking them to carry it, I'm going to lobby the National Cattleman's Beef Association.
And now a tangentially-related FAIL pic...
see more pwn and owned pictures
Is your grocery store missing something essential? Post a comment.
--Spanno
Barry Pike on December 12, 2008 at 09:48 AM
At our big-chain grocery, there is no good Italian bread, only faux-Italian bread. No fresh prosciutto nor pancetta. They have only cheap olive oil. And for ripe olives, they have only the cheap, nasty canned and pitted (black) olives. Yuck.
Lamb shanks. What's a guy gotta do to get lambshanks around here?
We do regularly get beef ribs, though, here in Indiana which is also prime pig-country. And once, just once, they had chestnuts in stock. They have also started carrying organic baby arugula...which was a very pleasant surprise.
Macon Stoneburner on December 12, 2008 at 01:45 PM
Canned beer is far more environmentally friendly that bottled beer, so if anyone gives you a hard time about showing up with cans of Miller HL, ask them why they hate the planet so much and enjoy the warming sensation of smugness.
Smitch on December 14, 2008 at 01:57 PM
My grocery store is missing a whiny, yuppie douchebag in his 30's. ;) Tee hee.